Day 16: Deep breath

Everything can change, if you just take a breath.  You could change the whole course of your life just by taking time to breathe.

-Yoga Instructor

Last night I had a dream that I was supposed to have a serious operation.  I ran round and around trying to avoid it.  Everyone I asked about what the surgery would be would tell me “Its ok, you need to have it.” and I’d ask and ask “What IS it?  What’s wrong with me?”

Finally, I found my way back to the operating room.  The doctor said “I promise, you’ll feel so much better.” and I laid back as the mask for the anesthetic was put on my face.  In my dream, I woke up and didn’t feel any different.  I looked up at the doctor, who was removing his gloves and asked “What did you do?  What happened?” and, quite proudly, the doctor said “I fixed it!”

“Fixed what?” I asked.

“Your heart.” he said.  “I fixed your broken heart.”

And I woke up.

I feel better today, like I’m on the upswing.  And I can’t tell you why, there isn’t really a reason.  In the past, usually my serious mopes only last a day or so…this one lasted just under a week.  I just don’t have it in me to sustain a mope.  I’d be the worst poet ever…can’t be sad long enough, I think.

The sun shone bright today, there were food trucks near work with glorious tacos, and I got my husband two new dress shirts for the wedding we’re attending this weekend.

The quote I started this entry with was courtesy of a yoga instructor who came in to help us manage stress in the work place.  She said something to the effect that all stress comes from reacting to what’s happening around you, and if you stop, take a breath, and look at your physical reaction, it takes you out of the emotional space where all you’re doing is reacting.  By doing this, you’re better able to manage the physical manifestation of stress and handle a situation more easily.

But what really struck me was that, by taking a breath…you can change everything.  That your path can diverge so greatly by just pausing and thinking about what you’re going to say, what’s going to happen.

In the past year, due to the many difficulties that have come my way, I find myself making sure the words I say are the words I mean to say.  The things I’m saying are important…and the people I’m saying them to, even more so.  I need to make sure that what I say means what I want it to mean and it well help, even if its difficult.  So I take a breath.  And it makes all the difference.

Physical Health:

Hours of Sleep: 8.5…I was pretty sad last night, so I went to bed at 9:30.  I think that helped a lot, too.

Exercise: Mowed the lawn…definitely a work out.

Breakfast: slice of breakfast pizza, granny smit happle

Health

Cleaning or Packing?: moved some boxes around…not for half an hour, but it was more than I did yesterday

Made my bed?:  I almost left the bedroom without making the bed this morning and stopped myself.  I think this is on the way to being a baffling habit.  But it doesn’t bring me joy.

Read 1 book a week: Its a rough week.  Trashy romance novels it is.

Conclusion

“I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.”
— Neil Gaiman

…and just because a dream isn’t something that really happened, doesn’t mean it can’t help.

-C

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