Day 15: Why I didn’t want a dog

“Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. ”
– Roger A. Cara

One of the first movies I went to see with my husband once we started dating was Up.  And, in one of my more, endearing moments, I cried through almost the entire thing.  I ugly cried through the first five minutes.  But I started crying again when Carl told Dug he was a bad dog.

I hate saying “Bad dog.”

Because most dogs…they aren’t bad dogs.  They just want your love.  They don’t get it.  And when Dug came back and says to Carl “I hid under your porch because I love you.” I started crying again.  Because I’m a big softy and that’s what dogs do.  They’ll hide under the table and come back, because they love you.

They’ll greet you at the door because they love you.

They’ll steal your shoes and drop them at your feet because they love you.

They’ll snuggle up next to you, on the smallest scrap of blanket touching you, when you’re sick, because they love you.

Dogs just love.  Their love is simple.  Its “This person takes care of me, brings me food, and that squeaky toy I both love and hate.  I love them.”

“A new person?  I love you!”

“Treats?  My favorite thing!”

Living your life like you’re a dog?  That’s the way to do it.  To live your life with that kind of unconditional love and joy.  There’s some saying…I want to be the type of person my dog thinks I am.  And who wouldn’t?  Who wouldn’t want to be that hero, to have someone stare up at you, adoringly, thinking you can do know wrong?

I did not want a dog.

Because when my first one had to be put down, I was at college, it was just before Thanksgiving Break and my parents came to pick me up and said “I’m so sorry, we had to put the dog down.”

And I, stunned, couldn’t believe it.

They told me they took him for a drive, went through the drive through and got him a whole cheeseburger.

It was the best way for his doggy life to end.

My husband wanted nothing more than a dog.  And about 6 years ago, my parents adopted a racing greyhound.  She was fast, smart, and took absolutely no crap from anyone.  And, as all other greyhounds, she loved to nap.

This is the dog at Christmas, one of my favorite pictures of her.

This is the dog at Christmas, one of my favorite pictures of her.

No small, fury creature was safe from our backyard.  She got 3 squirrels, 5 birds, 2 rabbits and, somehow, a fish.  We’re not sure how that happened.

She was 11.

And, after a very sudden illness, my parents did the kind thing…and let her go.

You know what?  I’m done with 2014.  I’m done with everything changing, with people dying, with pets dying, I’m just done with it all.  I don’t know what else the world wants from me, but you can have it.

My parents are devastated.  She lived a great life, and she was in pain for a very short time.  Very few of us would turn that down at the end of our lives.  And you have to be able to take that step for a dog…they won’t slow down and stop until they know you’ll be ok.

I did not want a dog.

And it was the one thing my husband wanted more in the whole world.

And I cannot bear to love our dog.  I cannot bear to love him knowing that this is how it ends.  I did not want to let another animal into my heart because my love will go to it for such a short, short time and it will hurt and hurt and hurt for so long.

Dogs are great, you know…they love you no matter what, they will snuggle with you when you’re sick and you.  You are the person who will have to say “Its ok, buddy…I know it hurts…it’ll all be over soon.”

At the end of all of this…of everything this terrible year has had to offer me.  That is what I see on the couch next to my husband.  I see a furry, sweet…ending.

I’m so sorry they had to let their wonderful dog go.  She was great…she gave great joy to those around her, joy to those she visited in nursing homes.  She, as a dog, did more for people in need than many people do for each other.

When it was time, my parents had the strength to say “Its ok, sweetie, you’re all done now.”

When the time comes…I don’t know if I can do it.  He’ll have to do it.  And I’ll say like I say any time he gets into something he’s not supposed to, he steals a blanket, or whines at my pizza slice “He’s your dog, dear.”

And I am so sorry.  So very very sorry.

I know I should say something about how all joy is fleeting…and we should cherish joy, for whatever amount of time we have…but right now…it feels like all joy ends.  And its hard to find joy to replace it.  So hold onto the joy you have.

Like all things, it too, must come to an end.

Physical Health:

Hours of Sleep: 7.5 hours.

Exercise: Walked around Whole Foods.  Went up and down the stairs a few extra times.

Breakfast: Granny smith apple, granola bar, babybel cheese

Health

Cleaning or Packing?: The house is pretty clean and I didn’t have it in me to pack.

Made my bed?:  Made the bed.

Read 1 book a week: I don’t know what to start reading for the week.  I just finished another trashy romance novel, so I’ll come up with something.

Conclusion

“The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made His greatest gifts the commonest.”
-Martin Luther

“Boy, 2014 sure has a been a titty twister of a year for you, huh?”

-Comment from one of my friends on the passing of the dog as well as other things from this year

“Are you writing your blog entry?”

“Yeah.  Its a sad entry about the dog dying”

“Oh.  Well, there’s a living, breathing dog right here.  You should pet him.”

*Sigh* “Ok.”

-Conversation between my husband and I

-C

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